


When Sleep is not an Option

by Shinee1237



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Basically saeran has anxiety, F/M, Hes just quiet and prefers to be alone, Hes not as rude or mean in this fic, I love saeran and he deserves to be loved, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-01
Updated: 2017-02-01
Packaged: 2018-09-21 07:27:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9537905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shinee1237/pseuds/Shinee1237
Summary: Saeran doesn't remember the last time he was able to sleep. He finds comfort in a small room he's found in his apartment building.He doesn't expect anybody to find him and definitely doesn't expect them to keep coming.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this one shot like around 2am when I couldn't sleep a while back. It's kind of a small distraction from my Jumin x MC fic that I'm working on as well.
> 
> I decided to edit a few things and upload it. Keep in mind I was barely awake when writing this so I apologize in general if it sucks or if there's mistakes.
> 
> 1\. Saeran isn't really rude or mean in this one shot. He's just overall quiet and prefers to be alone.
> 
> 2\. I couldn't figure how I wanted to write this when it came to MC so I hope the story makes sense with the writing style.

Saeran doesn't remember the last time he was able to sleep. 

He stares at the dark ceiling, turning occasionally to try and find a comfortable position before growing frustrated and sitting up. Rubbing his eyes he glances at the clock on his nightstand and groans upon seeing it's only midnight. With a sigh he pushes away the warm covers and stands up. He reaches for his shoes and a sweater and heads out to the apartment hallway. 

The hallway is dimly lit and the silence makes him anxious but he continues on until he reaches his destination. Opening the door he enters the apartment laundry room and feels better upon hearing the soft humming of the machines. Looking back to make sure that no one is near, he walks to a locked door by the end of the room. He grabs the doorknob, leans against the door with his shoulder and gives a hard push. The door opens and he quickly steps inside, making sure to leave the door ajar. 

The room is dark except for some stray moonlight shining in from the windows. Saeran has guessed it used to be a community center room by the worn down desks that are still organized in their place. A whiteboard is at the front of the room with random writing from Saeran and a schedule that he hasn't bothered to erase because he feels the board wouldn't be complete without it. He takes a seat at one of the tables, looking around the room and going over every little detail for the hundredth time until he feels himself get tired. 

He stays there until rays of sunlight enter the room and with sadness, adds one more sleepless night to his already long list. With a final glance of the room he heads out to get ready for work and hopes that soon he'll get some sleep.

-

You love sleep. 

You love being able to wake up fully recharged and ready to deal with a new day. This is also the reason why you hate the constant noises coming from your next door neighbor's apartment. 

It hadn't been noticeable at first but now you're aware that every night your neighbor leaves his apartment around midnight and returns a little bit before six in the morning. The closing and opening of the door sounds especially loud with the thin walls separating you, and you hate having your sleep interrupted. But it also spikes your curiosity. You wonder where the next door neighbor goes at those hours. Does he work a night shift? 

You glance at the clock on the kitchen stove and slightly tilt your head toward the wall. Exactly two minutes later, five fifty-eight in the morning, you hear a door open and close. You unconsciously smile knowing your neighbor has made it back safely. You've only met a few times and you are sure you've gotten his name before but can't remember. 

Another glance at the clock reminds you you’ll be late if you don't start getting ready soon and with a final sip of your coffee you begin your usual routine.

-

Saeran arrives from work not only physically tired but also mentally and emotionally. He drags himself to his bed, eyelids closing immediately, but he doesn't sleep. 

Moments like these anger him and he feels the urge to scream or cry, anything to tire him out enough to properly rest. The minutes pass by painstakingly slow and by midnight he knows he'll be going back downstairs. He reaches for his sweater and shoes again and heads to the hallway.

You're used to your body waking up at these hours and lay in bed, the warm covers tempting you to sleep, but you remain listening for the door. When moments later you hear the door open you push the covers away and stand up. You're already wearing your clothes and you dash for the door. 

A glance down the hall shows your neighbor going towards the stairs and you follows a few steps behind making sure to step lightly. You can't help but feel like a spy on a mission and when you chuckle lightly you quickly slap a hand over your mouth, the fear of being caught causing you to momentarily freeze. When your neighbor doesn't even glance back, you decide you're safe and mentally slap yourself for your carelessness. 

Your curiosity grows when you see your neighbor make a left turn instead of a right at the bottom hallway. The parking lot and main exit are on the right. Is he not leaving? You stop behind a wall and watch as he heads to the laundry room. Laundry room? 

Sure enough your neighbor disappears into the room and you stare in confusion. You wait a few minutes before entering and are even more confused to see the room empty. You glance around and for a moment begin to wonder if you're dreaming when you spot a slightly opened door at the end of the room. You approach it carefully, peering inside and are surprised to see what looks like a classroom. Your neighbor is sitting at one of the desks hunched over with his head on his arms, gently tugging at the pink tips of his white hair.

You aren't sure how long you stare but when one of the washing machines suddenly makes a noise you're jolted from your staring. Although still confused as to why your neighbor is there, you turn around and decide to go back. It's 6 a.m when your neighbor comes back and you look at your watch with sadness. You hadn't slept at all.

-

You meet the next night.

You don't follow him this time. Instead you wait a few minutes before heading in the same direction as the night before. When you peer through the door you spot your neighbor sitting on the floor, his back against a wall and his attention on a book. You question why he can't just read his book in his apartment instead of the cold laundry room. 

You have an internal battle of how to make your presence known when the washing machine next to you makes a noise and you let out a yelp. Wide eyed, you cover your mouth and cast a careful glance at the opened door, only to find another set of surprised eyes staring at you. You consider making a run for it and pretending to haven't seen him but decide against it; you don't want to be seen as a bigger creep than what you already look like. 

“Hello”

“Hello”

“Can I come in?”

When the other doesn't reply, you open the door and step into the lightly dimmed room. “I'm MC,” you introduce yourself hoping the other will see you mean no harm. 

“Saeran,” comes the quiet reply as he closes his book and pushes himself away from the door. 

You take notice and apologize immediately. “I'm sorry I didn't mean to look like such a creep. I'm actually your next door neighbor. I noticed you always leave your apartment at this time and got curious so I followed and that probably sounds really weird and I should stop talking now.”

Saeran relaxes as he recognizes his neighbor and feels safe upon seeing you so flustered at being caught. “It's fine.”

You nod and a silence takes over. It doesn't last long though because you feel the urge to talk. “How did you find this room?”

There's a warmness in your voice that draws Saeran in and he finds himself replying immediately. “I was washing one day and I accidentally tripped against the door. It opened up and I've been coming ever since.”

“Why?”

Saeran shrugs and you guess he doesn't want to talk about it. “Well I should probably get going,” you say after a while and Saeran nods, “are you staying?”

“Yeah.”

You nod, casting him one last curious glance and heading back out. 

-

You come back the next night

This time you don't stay by the door, instead moving closer to sit on a chair next to Saeran.

“Hey”

“Hey”

Saeran doesn't know what to think about the whole thing. He hadn't expected his neighbor to follow him, let alone come back the next night. He wasn't used to talking to new people and he preferred being alone. “What are you doing here?”

You simply shrug, looking around the room and wondering why anyone would come every night. “I wasn't tired yet so I decided to come join you.”

Under normal circumstances Saeran would be alarmed but he can't bring himself to worry as he looks at you in your pajamas, a small smile on your lips as you read over quotes that Saeran had written on the whiteboard. 

“The secret of being happy is accepting where you are in life and making the most out of everyday,” you read quietly, nodding to yourself before looking over at Saeran with that small smile. “You seem like such a happy person.”

He let's out a small chuckle and you smile wide because it's one of the best laughs you've ever heard and it makes you feel special seeing him finally smile. 

“Thanks.”

-

You come back the next day. And the next. And the next.

It's become a routine now with you always bringing something new. You'd brought ice cream on the third night, soup on the fourth, blankets to make a fort on the fifth night and your laptop to play a movie on the sixth. You spend most of the time talking about anything and everything.

He's not very talkative at first, taking caution in his words but soon opens up. You learn that Saeran has a twin brother, although he dyed his hair so as to not look alike. They work together at an intellectual hacking company, something that interests you immediately. He offers to show you some of the things he can do and you eagerly agree. He lives alone in his apartment even if his brother has offered him a place to stay because in his words he “can't stand him.”

Saeran learns that you are living alone and attending classes at a nearby college. You aren't sure what you want to do just yet but you do know that you want to help others. He smiles at that, watching you talk about the hope you have for the future with an enthusiasm that captures him.

You both learn that you don't have much in common but neither really cares. Your personalities contrast each other but it only serves to bring you closer and before either knows it, a month has gone by. 

-

You don't mention your apartments. 

Neither has seen the others home but you don't think it's important. The small hidden room has become your special place and the thought of leaving it isn't pleasant. You continue to meet every night and message each other during the day, both wondering how you'd made it through life before meeting. 

-

“When do you sleep, Saeran?”

You're doodling on the whiteboard, placing random flowers around the quotes Saeran writes. 

“I don't.” 

You stop mid flower and look over at Saeran in surprise. “What do you mean you don't sleep?”

Saeran tenses, refusing to look at you as he continues to write on the board. “I don't feel sleepy.”

“So you just never sleep?” you ask, moving closer to place flowers around the new quote.

“I take a nap here and there. I just never really sleep,” Saeran replies, setting the marker down and taking a seat at one of the desks. “What about you?”

“I sleep during the day, after class and before I come here. I love sleep.” You put your marker down, stepping back to admire the now full board before sitting at a desk next to Saeran.

“You should really take a break from coming here. It's not good to miss your sleep.” Saeran hunches over the desk, face on his crossed arms, as he watches you copy his pose. You stare at each other in a comfortable silence before you speak.

“Missing sleep is nothing if it means being here with you.”

-

Saeran is sleepy. He's incredibly tired and it's beginning to show. He does his best to hide it from you but you can see right through him.

“You need to sleep Saeran.” 

He shakes his head and turns his focus to a puzzle he had brought, but you gently grab his wrist and pull him up. “Take a nap.” You tug him toward a pile of blankets you two keep for the cold and fix up a spot for Saeran to lie down. 

He doesn't want to. Saeran knows it won't do him good anyways, knows there's no point in lying down when he'll just stare at the ceiling. But you've already fixed up a spot and he has no choice but to listen to you. 

The floor is surprisingly comfortable and he relaxes, listening to you hum to a new song you'd heard on the radio, your fingers drumming against a book. Yet as calming as it is, he can't sleep.

“Hey MC?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you ever wonder what the future holds?”

He hears the drumming stop and he can only guess you're looking at him.

“Like do you ever wonder what we live for? Why are we here?” he continues when you don't reply. “Is there anything special for us out there? I worry sometimes. Life is so short and I'm afraid of it ending. Afraid of how it'll end. Afraid of things changing and of people leaving…”

He knows he's rambling. The thoughts he usually keeps in his mind spill out as he clutches onto the blankets around him. He can feel the anxiety surrounding him as his breathing becomes uneven and he begins to sweat. “I- I'm afraid of it all and I don't know what to do and I-”

Saeran doesn't notice that you're by his side, an arm wrapped around his waist as you sing calmly in his ear. Your free hand plays with Saeran's hair, the warmth causing Saeran to stop trembling as his breathing slows down. 

He hates it. Hates that you had to see him during one of his weakest moments. But he also feels relief, comfort, at having somebody with him. So as you sing to him, he feels his eyes close and for the first time in months, Saeran sleeps.

-

He wakes up to you nudging him. He stretches and sits up, before reality sets in and he stares at you in surprise. “I slept?”

You give him a small smile, reaching for Saeran's hand and giving a light squeeze. “You slept.”

Saeran can't help the smile that spreads on his face as he throws himself at you, engulfing you in a hug. “Thank you.”

“Anytime.” You pull back first and rest your forehead on Saeran’s. “We should get going. Don't want to be late.”

-

You're busy gathering your stuff when you hear Saeran's door open. You glance at the clock and are surprised to see that he is out earlier than usual. You guess Saeran wants to leave early and proceed to hurry up when there's a knock at your door. 

Opening the door, you're surprised to see Saeran standing there, a few items in hand with a sheepish smile. “Can I come in?”

You nod, wordlessly opening the door wider and stepping aside to let Saeran enter. “Is something wrong?”

“I wanted to thank you again for last night,” Saeran starts glancing down at his feet in nervousness. “I thought I should explain some things to you.”

You finally understand as you close the door and motion for Saeran to follow you into the living room. You watch as Saeran glances around the mainly empty apartment and smiles. “You have a nice apartment.”

“Thank you.” You both take a seat on the couch and you wait patiently for Saeran to start. Saeran fidgets with his hands and you move closer,taking them into your hands and giving him a reassuring smile. 

“I didn't have the easiest childhood. In fact my brother is the only family I have. We lived together for a while but I wanted to try being by myself, experience life on my own. Things were fine at first but soon things started to get to me. I started having poor concentration and insomnia. From time to time I get these anxiety attacks, like last night for example.” He pauses taking a deep breath before continuing. “I never told anyone, I pushed them away in fear, including my brother. When I found that room it became my safety zone, a place where I could escape my fears and be alone. I never expected somebody would find me there, let alone join me.”

He smiles at the memory of your first meeting. “I just wanted to say thank you. For being there for me and for helping me realize that it's not always bad to let somebody in.”

You remain quiet. For once you can't find the right words to say. So instead of speaking you decide to show it. 

You move in closer, your faces only a few inches away. Saeran looks at you with wide eyes but doesn't move away. He shudders when you place a warm hand on his cheek, gently pulling him closer. You close the remaining distance, your lips meeting Saeran's halfway. The warmth of his mouth sends a current through your body as Saeran used his arm to wrap around your waist and pull you onto his lap. Saeran’s eyes closed almost immediately as you wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him deeper into the kiss. 

You both pull away to catch your breaths, Saeran tracing patterns on your back and you watching the steady rise of Saeran's chest. Both can feel the other's heart beating and the silence between you is comfortable.

“I think I'm too tired to go downstairs.” Saeran says after a few minutes. You hum in agreement before grabbing onto Saeran's hands and pulling him up. You don't let go when he stands, instead pulling him with you. “Where are we going?”

“I think we could both use some sleep.” 

You guide him to your bedroom before you both collapse on the bed, immediately seeking each other out as you fumble with the blankets. Saeran pulls you towards him and wraps his arm around you. You makes yourself comfortable with your head resting on Saeran's chest.

Saeran’s anxiety is not present but there is one thought that he decides to voice.

“Hey MC?”

“Yeah?”

“What's next for us?”

You take your time to think it over before responding. “What do you want to happen?”

“I don't know,” Saeran replies honestly. “But I know I don't want to be without you.”

You place a kiss on the crook of his neck and Saeran can feel the smile you hold. “Stay. Let's be together.”

-

Saeran packs up his belongings the next day and let's the landlord know he'll be moving out and into the next apartment with you. 

You chuckle at his eagerness to move in that same day and help him package the few items Saeran has. You stay up late finishing up what you have to do and by midnight are back in your room. The living room is filled with new items and boxes but you both decide to leave that for the next day.

“It's pretty late, aren't you tired?” 

Saeran doesn't bother to respond, instead pulling you in for a kiss. “Should I take that as a no?” you asks jokingly when he pulls away. 

Saeran chuckles, his deep voice sending shivers down your spine, as he tugs you towards the bed. “We'll have plenty of time to sleep later.”

-

Saeran doesn't remember the last time he couldn't sleep.

Saeran loves sleep. He especially loves waking up to watch you sleep. He loves watching your steady breathing and hearing the occasional snores. He loves the way you look with your messy hair and mouth slightly parted. 

You stir and open your eyes slowly, the morning light to bright for your eyes. “Good morning. Did you sleep?”

Saeran smiles and nods, a feeling of happiness taking over him as you nudge closer.

You both close your eyes and Saeran knows he wouldn't change a thing.

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my second story I've ever written for this fandom. I hope you guys enjoyed it and leave a comment below! Maybe I'll even write more in the future ^-^


End file.
